Why I Focus on Men’s Counselling in Abbotsford and Beyond.

Written by Evan Vukets, RCC, Registered Clinical Counsellor in Abbotsford, BC. I support men in Abbotsford, the Fraser Valley, and online across BC. Learn more about me.

Published September 8, 2025.

When I first started counselling, I worked with a wide range of people. Over time, a pattern of clients began to stand out to me: men who looked like they had it all together on the outside. A steady job, a family, a reputation for being dependable. From the outside, they seemed solid. But inside, many were exhausted, doubtful, and disconnected from who they really were.

Some described waking up tired no matter how much they slept. Others spoke about snapping at their partner or kids, then feeling guilty later. Many admitted that, even though they were “checking all the boxes,” life felt like it was happening on autopilot.

What struck me most wasn’t that these men were struggling, everyone struggles at times. It was that they all felt they had to hide it.

The Weight of “Having It Together”

For many men, being the provider, the steady one, or the problem-solver becomes their entire identity. There’s pride in that role and often deep love for the people they support. But there’s also a cost.

When stress builds or life feels empty, many men push through instead of reaching out. They bury their pain under long hours, silent endurance, or unhealthy escapes like overworking, alcohol, or scrolling late into the night. The pressure to keep moving forward often locks them into a routine of autopilot.

“The pressure to keep moving forward often locks men into a routine of autopilot.”

One man painfully shared in a session “If I stop moving, I know everything will fall apart.” The belief that pausing equals failure is an incredibly heavy weight to carry. And it’s not uncommon.

The hidden costs of always being the strong one

This way of living can slowly chip away at health, relationships, and purpose. Sleep suffers, irritability grows, and joy fades into routine. On the outside, men remain dependable. Inside, we can feel like we are unraveling.

Why do men keep struggles to themselves?

This isn’t just about individual choices. It’s about the messages men grow up with: don’t cry, don’t complain, don’t be weak. Value is tied to toughness and productivity. While those traits can serve men well in some areas, they also make it harder to admit when life feels overwhelming.

The result? Men who seem steady on the surface but underneath are quietly burning out.

That realization shifted the direction of my entire practice. I decided to focus on men’s mental health, helping men bring together two sides of themselves:

• The strength and responsibility they already carry.

• The emotional depth and self-understanding that often gets left behind.

  
  

For many men, the idea of counselling can feel unclear or even intimidating. In fact, I often hear questions like ‘What even happens in counselling?’ That’s why I wrote a post breaking down what counselling really is and how it can help.

Bridging Traditional Strength and Emotional Depth

“Therapy isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about reconnecting to yourself.”

For the men I work with, therapy often means learning how to bring traditional strength into balance with emotional depth. Strength is already there: showing up for family, working hard, keeping commitments. What often gets lost is the ability to slow down, notice what you’re feeling, and make choices that align with what matters most.

What emotional depth really means for men

Emotional depth doesn’t mean being emotional all the time. It means knowing yourself well enough to respond with clarity that aligns with your values instead of reacting on an autopilot that was created by anger, fear, or exhaustion. It means being able to recognize when stress is creeping in and having tools to manage it before it explodes.

Therapy as a space for reconnection

In my practice, I use evidence-based approaches like CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) to shift unhelpful thought patterns, DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) skills to regulate emotions, and Adlerian therapy to help men rediscover meaning and purpose. But therapy isn’t just about techniques. It’s about having a space where you don’t need to perform strength, where you can explore what it really means to live with it.

“It takes real courage to step back, slow down, and ask: is this life really my own?”

Why I chose to focus on men’s counselling

I know many men hesitate to reach out. Some worry counselling means weakness. Others think talking won’t change anything. But the truth is, it takes real courage to sit down and look honestly at your life.

What to expect in therapy with me

Therapy isn’t about endless venting. It’s practical, collaborative, and focused on real change. Together, we build tools that fit your life. Whether it’s managing stress at work, removing compulsive behaviours, creating stronger communication in your relationships, or finding alignment between your values and your daily choices.

Men often tell me they leave sessions not just with insight, but with concrete strategies they can use right away.

The space I’ve built is not about judgment. It’s about support. It’s about carving out time to pause, reset, and think about where you’re headed, and whether that direction actually feels like your own.

More than anything, counselling looks like reconnecting to yourself. The strongest version of yourself, the part of you that knows what matters and wants a life that feels meaningful, and fully your own.

“Counselling can be a space to pause, reset, and rebuild from the inside out.”

A Space Built for Men’s Counselling in Abbotsford and Beyond

At Evan Vukets Counselling, I’ve built a practice designed with men in mind. I offer men’s counselling in Abbotsford, across the Fraser Valley, and online throughout British Columbia and most Canadian provinces.

An Invitation to Start Your Journey

If you’re feeling burnt out, disconnected, or unsure of your next step, you don’t have to carry that weight alone. Counselling can be a space to pause, reflect, and start again with more clarity.

Often, this disconnection comes from drifting away from what matters most personally. Reconnecting with your values, things like family, growth, or hard work, can bring clarity and direction. I share more about how to explore those values in another blog.

Even if you’re not sure whether therapy is for you, reaching out for a first session can be a step toward relief. It doesn’t have to mean committing to years of counselling. It can simply be about testing the waters, seeing if the space feels right, and giving yourself permission to not hold everything on your own.

When you’re ready, I’d be honoured to walk alongside you in that process.