Living by Your Core Values: Why It Matters for Men’s Mental Health

Written by Evan Vukets, RCC, Registered Clinical Counsellor in Abbotsford, BC. I support men in Abbotsford, the Fraser Valley, and online across BC. Learn more about me.

Many men I work with tell me a similar story.On the outside, life looks steady. Work gets done. Bills are paid. People depend on them, and they show up.

But inside, it feels like they’re running on autopilot. Each day blurs into the next. The drive to keep moving is there, but the sense of why often fades.

That’s where values come in.

What Are Core Values?

Your core values are the things that matter most to you at your deepest level. They’re not about titles, achievements, or checking off boxes. They’re about the kind of person you want to be and the way you want to live.

Think of them as a compass. Values don’t set the destination for your life, but they help you steer in the right direction.

Why Values Matter in Men’s Mental Health

When men come into counselling, they often feel drained, restless, or disconnected. They’ve worked hard, but aren’t sure what it’s all adding up to.

Research shows that we stay more motivated when our actions connect to what matters inside us, not just to outside rewards. An article in Psychology Today explained that intrinsic motivation, the drive that comes from within, is a major factor in both well-being and performance at work.

In fact, it makes up almost half of the difference in how people show up and thrive. When you live by your values, you don’t have to wait for a raise, praise, or a big milestone to feel successful. Instead, you build energy and purpose right into your daily life.

In other words, values help you shift from living on autopilot to living with intention.

The Exercise: Choosing Your Values

One practical way to reconnect with values is through this Personal Core Values Worksheet:

I know the list can be intimidating, but the exercise is simple:

1. Read through a list of values.

2. Circle the ones that resonate with you (or the strongest version of you that you want to become).

3. Narrow the list down to your top 3–5.

This isn’t about picking the “right” or "perfect" ones. It’s about noticing what sparks something in you.

Example: Living Out the Value of Hard Work

Let’s say you circle Hard Work.

It’s easy to think of “hard work” only in terms of performance reviews, promotions, or major accomplishments. But values aren’t about one big finish line. They are about how you live them out in daily life.

A day rooted in hard work might look like:

• Waking up and preparing for your day with intention.

• Structuring your time so you can focus without distraction.

• Taking breaks and fueling your body so you stay sharp.

• Wrapping up the work day by reflecting on what went well and jotting down a quick task list for tomorrow.

Notice what’s missing? There’s no quarterly review, no boss's feedback, and no big project launch.

Hard work isn’t only about external recognition. It’s about the process you choose every day.

Process Over Outcome

This is one of the most important parts of values-based living

.

When you focus on the process, the actions that align with your values, you build resilience, confidence, and a sense of purpose.

When you focus only on outcomes, promotions, raises, praise, you hand your sense of worth to someone else.

Values bring the focus back to what you can control.

Growth vs. Fixed Mindset

Many men grow up hearing that success is about winning, achieving, or proving themselves. That’s the fixed mindset talking.

Values invite a different measure. A growth mindset says: “I am successful because I showed up for what matters, whether or not anyone noticed.”

When you live from your values, progress is measured in small steps of alignment, not just in outcomes or approval.

From Autopilot to Alignment

For many men, this shift is powerful. Instead of feeling like life is just happening to you, values help you take the wheel again.

You don’t have to change everything overnight. Start with one value. Ask yourself:

• What would it look like to live this value today?

• How could I bring it into small, daily choices?

• How would my relationships, work, or health shift if I lived this way consistently?

Where Counselling Fits In

This exercise is a strong starting point. But often, men find it difficult to hold themselves accountable or to untangle what’s blocking them from living out their values.

That’s where counselling helps. Together we can:

• Identify the values that matter most to you.

• Explore how they show up in your life right now.

• Build strategies to align your choices with your values.

• Work through roadblocks like stress, burnout, or perfectionism.

  
  

Final Thoughts

Living in line with your values doesn’t erase stress or pressure, but it does give you a sense of clarity and direction.

Values are less about perfection and more about presence.

If you would like to try this for yourself, I encourage you download the Personal Core Values Worksheet and follow the instructions.

Living by your values is possible, and you don’t have to figure it out on your own. If you’d like support, book a free consultation or session. Whether we meet in my Abbotsford office, or online, counselling can help you take real steps toward a grounded and connected life.