Fight Stress Right.

Written by Evan Vukets, RCC, Registered Clinical Counsellor in Abbotsford, BC. I support men in Abbotsford, the Fraser Valley, and online across BC. Learn more about me

First published March 5th, 2021. Last edited September 19th, 2025.

Picture this: you’re walking down the street, and as you turn a corner you see a bear. The bear notices you too, and starts running toward you!

Your body reacts instantly. Your heart races, your muscles tense, your stomach twists. You’re focused on one thing: survival.

That’s the fight, flight, or freeze response at work.

Stress in Everyday Life

The bear story is dramatic. Most of us won’t face that kind of danger in our daily lives. But unfortunately our bodies don't always know the difference between a bear in the woods and stress at work, in relationships, or in your own head.

Your nervous system reacts to stress like it’s a threat.

Deadlines. Conflicts. Burnout. These can all trigger the same physical response as a charging bear.

Why Stress Feels So Overwhelming

The fight, flight, or freeze response was designed for short bursts of danger. Once the threat passed, the body returned to calm.

But in today’s world, stress often doesn’t go away. It lingers. The body stays “switched on” long after the meeting, the argument, or the conflict has ended.

Over time, this can leave you feeling:

• Drained and tense.

• Distracted or unfocused.

• Quick to anger, or unable to speak up.

• Like you’re always “on edge.”

  
  

How Stress Builds Up

Stress can become conditioned. The more often a stressful situation repeats, the stronger your body’s reaction becomes.

Here are two examples:

In relationships Your heart races and your stomach turns when a loved one says something you disagree with. Instead of responding, you freeze or stay quiet. Over time, the fear of conflict grows. You might shut down more, or snap in anger, leaving you guilty and stressed.

At work You feel anxious around your boss because you expect criticism. Your focus narrows to what they might pick apart. You hesitate, second-guess yourself, and your work suffers. The stress builds until you feel like quitting.

Stress isn’t just in your head, it shows up in your body, your habits, and your relationships.

Why “Just Relax” Doesn’t Work

Because the fear response is a survival instinct, it can’t simply be “thought away.”

That’s why telling yourself “just relax” rarely works. Your body needs tools to calm the stress response before your mind can shift.

Tools to Calm the Body

Simple practices can help your nervous system reset:

• Box breathing: breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4 (read more about it here).

• 4–7–8 breathing: breathe in for 4, hold for 7, out for 8.

• Progressive muscle relaxation: tense and release each muscle group, from head to toe (read more about it here).

• 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique to anchor you to your senses (read more about it here)

These tools help your body switch out of “bear mode” and back into calm.

But calming down is only the first step. If stress keeps showing up in your relationships, your work, or your sense of self, you also need to build new ways of responding.

Responding Differently to Stress

When you’re not in the middle of stress, you can reflect and prepare for next time.

Start by noticing:

• What triggers the reaction?

• What warning signs show up in your body?

• What thoughts come with the stress?

Then, practice responding differently. One helpful approach is asking Socratic questions — simple reflections that challenge unhelpful thoughts:

• Am I basing this thought on feelings or facts?

• Could I be misinterpreting what’s happening?

• Am I assuming the worst?

• Did this belief come from someone else, and are they a reliable source?

• Is this the worst-case scenario, or is there another way to see it?

The goal isn’t to avoid stress but to face it with clarity and choice.

Stress and Counselling

Many people come to counselling when they feel stuck in stress patterns they can’t break on their own.

Counselling can help by:

• Teaching tools to regulate your body and nervous system

• Helping you notice patterns in thoughts and behaviors

• Practicing healthier communication in relationships

• Supporting you in setting boundaries at work or at home

When stress feels like a bear charging at you every day, counselling can give you both the tools and the perspective to respond differently.

Final Thoughts

Stress is part of life, but it doesn’t have to run your life.

When you understand how your body reacts, and when you practice calming and responding differently, stress becomes manageable.

If stress has been weighing you down, you don’t have to carry it alone. Counselling can help you fight stress in a healthier way, with tools, clarity, and support.

If you’re ready, I invite you to book a session or schedule a free consultation. Whether you’re in Abbotsford, the Fraser Valley, or anywhere in BC online, I’d be glad to walk with you as you face stress head-on.