New Year Reflection: Values-Based Goals, Emotional Skills, and Counselling for Men

Written by Evan Vukets, RCC, Registered Clinical Counsellor in Abbotsford, BC. I support men in Abbotsford, the Fraser Valley, and online across BC. Learn more about me

The start of a new year comes with a lot of noise.

New goals. New habits. Big promises to become a better, more disciplined, more productive version of yourself.

For many men, January doesn’t feel motivating. It feels heavy. Quiet. Or strangely flat.

I see this often in my counselling work. Men who worked hard all year. Men who held things together. Men who kept showing up even when they were running low on fuel.

So instead of asking What should I fix this year?

I want to offer a different place to begin.

A check-in and then setting values-based goals.

You Don’t Need a Clean Slate

There’s a cultural belief that the new year is a reset button. If last year felt messy, exhausting, or unfulfilling, the answer is to correct course immediately (and often by doing the exact opposite or setting ambitious and ambiguous goals).

But most people don’t need fixing in January. They need space to take inventory.

You might be:

• Coming off a year where you stayed functional but felt disconnected.

• In a season of relative stability but little sense of purpose.

• Unsure whether you need support again or are “supposed” to be fine now.

None of that means you’re behind.

The new year doesn’t demand urgency.

It invites reflection.

A Gentler Starting Question

Instead of setting a rigid resolution, try asking something simpler and more honest:

How am I actually doing right now?

Not how you think you should be doing.

Not how things look from the outside.

Just an internal check-in.

You might notice fatigue.

You might notice relief.

You might notice a quiet sense that something needs attention.

That information matters more than any goal list.

Why Resolutions Often Fall Apart

Traditional New Year’s resolutions tend to focus on outcomes:

• Lose that weight.

• Be more productive.

• Stop procrastinating.

• Be less stressed.

The problem isn’t motivation. It’s direction.

Outcome-based resolutions often fail because they don’t address how you want to live or what you need to practice consistently. When life gets busy again, the resolution collapses.

This is where values-based and skills-based intentions become more useful.

What Are Values-Based Goals for intentions?

Values are the qualities you want to embody in how you live, not the results you want to achieve.

They act like a compass rather than a finish line.

Examples of values-based intentions:

• Presence – showing up more fully with the people who matter.

• Integrity – aligning actions with what you believe matters.

• Balance – making space for hobbies or rest alongside responsibility.

• Curiosity – staying open rather than defensive when things feel uncomfortable.

• Responsibility – owning your part without carrying everything alone.

A values-based intention might sound like:

• “I want to act with more presence in my family life.”

• “I want my work decisions to reflect my actual priorities.”

Values don’t get completed.

They get returned to.

What Are Skills-Based Intentions?

Skills are learnable, repeatable practices that help you live your values under stress.

Skills-based intentions focus on capacity rather than willpower.

Examples of skills-based intentions:

• Emotional awareness – noticing what you’re feeling before it leaks out sideways.

• Boundary-setting – saying no without guilt or over-explaining.

• Nervous system regulation – calming your body under pressure.

• Communication – naming needs clearly rather than withdrawing or exploding.

• Self-reflection – pausing to make sense of patterns instead of staying on autopilot.

A skills-based intention might sound like:

• “I want to practice noticing when I’m overwhelmed instead of pushing through.”

• “I want to get better at having direct conversations instead of avoiding them.”

Skills grow through practice, not perfection.

Why This Approach Lasts Longer

Values tell you why something matters.

Skills give you how to live it out.

Together, they create flexibility. When life gets busy or stressful, you’re not failing a resolution, you’re adjusting your practice.

This is often where counselling fits in.

Counselling as a Tool for Intention, Not Crisis

Many men only consider counselling when things fall apart. In reality, therapy is often most effective as a space for intention-building.

Counselling can help you:

• Clarify what actually matters to you right now.

• Identify patterns that keep pulling you off course.

• Build emotional and relational skills you were never taught.

• Slow down enough to make decisions deliberately.

A first counselling session isn’t about fixing you. It’s about understanding you.

(you can read a blog post on a first counselling session here) Typically, it involves:

• Talking through what brought you in or what you’re noticing lately.

• Clarifying goals in plain, practical language.

• Getting a sense of whether the approach and relationship feel like a good fit.

Many people start with a free consultation (you can read a blog post on a free consultation here) to ask questions, name hesitations, and decide whether now is the right time.

Looking Toward 2026 with Intention

You don’t need this year to be dramatic or transformational.

You just need it to be honest.

Values-based and skills-based intentions allow this year to be about building capacity, not forcing change. That steady work often sets the foundation for deeper momentum later.

By the time 2026 arrives, you may find that:

• You’re more aware of yourself under stress.

• You respond differently in relationships.

• You trust your internal signals more.

Not because you tried harder. But because you practiced what helped.

An Open Door, Not a Deadline

The start of a new year doesn’t demand action. It offers an invitation.

You’re allowed to:

• Reconnect with counselling if it feels useful.

• Stay where you are if things feel steady.

• Take time deciding what support looks like now.

You don’t have to get this year “right.”

You just have to keep returning to what matters, and practicing what helps.

If you’d like support doing that, the door is open.

You can book a free 15-minute consultation or a counselling session here.