Understanding Cognitive Distortions: A Guide for Men in Abbotsford, BC
- Evan Vukets
- Dec 10, 2025
- 5 min read
Updated: Jan 15
Recognizing the Weight of Cognitive Distortions
Includes a free downloadable workbook at the end of this article!
Written by Evan Vukets, RCC, Registered Clinical Counsellor in Abbotsford, BC. I support men in Abbotsford, the Fraser Valley, and online across BC. Learn more about me
There are moments when life feels heavy and confusing. You may wonder why you jump to the worst conclusions or why small things feel massive. You might even feel stuck in the same stories about yourself again and again.
This is often the work of cognitive distortions. These are thinking patterns that can pull you away from what is real and toward what feels true in the moment.
They are not signs that something is wrong with you. They are habits your mind learned over time.
When you learn to spot them, you can slow down, breathe, and choose a different path. Below are fourteen of the most common distortions. Each one has a simple explanation and an example you might recognize.
Common Cognitive Distortions
1. All or Nothing Thinking
This is when your mind sees only two choices. Something feels either perfect or a failure. You see no middle ground.
Example: You make a small mistake at work and say to yourself that the entire day is ruined.
Key idea: Life is almost always in the middle space.
2. Overgeneralization
This is when one moment becomes the story for every moment.
Example: A friend cancels plans once, and you think you have become someone no one wants to spend time with.
Key idea: One event does not define the whole picture.
3. Mental Filtering
This happens when your mind looks only at the negative and ignores the rest.
Example: You get good feedback from many people but focus on the one comment that bothered you.
Key idea: Your mind may be filtering out the good without you noticing.
4. Discounting the Positive
This is when you downplay the good things you do or achieve.
Example: You get a compliment and brush it off by saying it was nothing.
Key idea: Your strengths count even when your mind tries to shrink them.
5. Mind Reading
You believe you know what someone else is thinking, usually in a negative way.
Example: You assume a coworker is upset with you even though they said nothing.
Key Idea: Our mind is biased towards negativity.
6. Fortune Telling
You predict the future in a negative way without any real evidence.
Example: You tell yourself that a hard week at work means the next month will be terrible.
Key idea: A thought is not a fact.
7. Catastrophizing
Your mind makes something small feel much bigger than it really is.
Example: You spill coffee during a busy morning and feel like the entire day is lost.
Key idea: Not every moment is a crisis.
8. Minimization
This is the opposite of magnification. You make something important seem tiny even when it matters.
Example: You work hard on a project but tell yourself anyone could have done it.
Key idea: You deserve to see the full truth of your effort.
9. Emotional Reasoning
This is when your feelings are treated as proof.
Example: You feel like a failure, so you tell yourself you must be one.
Key idea: A feeling is a signal. It is not the whole story.
10. Should Statements
You use strict rules on yourself or others that create pressure, shame, or frustration.
Example: You tell yourself you should be stronger or you should not feel tired.
Key idea: Rigid rules keep you stuck. Compassion helps you grow.
11. Labeling and Mislabeling
This is when you turn a single action into a full identity.
Example: You forget to return a message and call yourself lazy.
Key idea: One moment does not define who you are.
12. Personalization
You take responsibility for things that are not yours to carry.
Example: Your partner has a bad day, and you assume you must have caused it.
Key idea: You are not responsible for every emotion around you.
13. Blame
This is when you put all responsibility on someone else and never look at your own part.
Example: You tell yourself that you have no stress at all and that everyone else is the problem.
Key idea: Growth comes from shared responsibility.
14. Jumping to Conclusions
Your mind jumps straight to the very worst outcome.
Example: You notice a small worry and tell yourself your life is going to fall apart.
Key idea: Your mind may be trying to protect you, not predict the future.
Why Catching Cognitive Distortions Matters
When you start to notice these patterns, you gain more space inside yourself. More room to breathe. More freedom to choose how you respond instead of reacting on autopilot.
You may not catch every distortion. That is normal. The goal is not perfection. The goal is awareness.
Awareness creates change.
Practical Steps to Address Cognitive Distortions
Choose One Distortion
Choose one distortion from this list that feels familiar. Notice when it shows up this week. You do not need to fix it right away.
Just notice it. Name it. Give yourself a moment to slow down.
This is how new patterns begin.
Reflect on Your Thoughts
Take time to reflect on your thoughts. Ask yourself questions like:
What evidence do I have for this thought?
Is there another way to look at this situation?
How would I advise a friend in the same situation?
These questions can help you gain perspective.
Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself. Recognize that everyone struggles with cognitive distortions. You are not alone in this experience.
Seek Support
If you find it challenging to manage these distortions on your own, consider reaching out for support. Talking to someone can provide clarity and help you navigate your feelings.
A Free Tool to Help You
If you want something practical to take with you, I made a free worksheet that covers all fourteen distortions in one place. You can download it here:
To get you started, here is an example, and three for you to try with an example:
You can also explore other skills on my site anytime you need support.
You do not need to sort through these patterns on your own. Book a free consultation or initial session through: https://www.colib.io/Booking/evan-vukets-counselling
Conclusion
Understanding cognitive distortions is a vital step in reclaiming your mental clarity. By recognizing these patterns, you can begin to shift your perspective. This journey may not be easy, but it is worth it. You have the power to reshape your thoughts and build a life aligned with your values.
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