Socratic Questioning: A Tool for Men to Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts

Written by Evan Vukets, RCC, Registered Clinical Counsellor in Abbotsford, BC. I support men in Abbotsford, the Fraser Valley, and online across BC. Learn more about me.

Have you ever noticed how fast your thoughts move? One minute you’re focused on work, and the next your mind is replaying an awkward moment from years ago, or telling you you’re not doing enough.

For many men I work with, these thoughts feel automatic. They happen so quickly that it’s hard to even notice them, let alone question them. But those thoughts shape how you feel. And how you feel shapes how you act.

That’s why it matters to slow down and check them.

Why Question Your Thoughts?

Our brains are built for survival (more on this in the blog post Fight Stress Right). They’re great at spotting threats, but not always great at accuracy. That means sometimes the thought racing through your mind is more of a reaction than a fact.

Unchecked thoughts can:

• Create unnecessary stress.

• Feed anxiety and depression.

• Lead to self-criticism or perfectionism.

• Push you to act in ways you don’t actually want.

The good news? You don’t have to believe every thought you think.

This is where Socratic questioning comes in.

What Is Socratic Questioning?

The idea goes back to Socrates, the Greek philosopher, who used questions to help people see things from new angles. In therapy today, the same idea helps men slow down and examine their automatic thoughts.

Think of it like being a detective with your own mind. Instead of taking a thought at face value, you test it. You ask: Is this really true? Is there another way to see this?

It’s not about forcing yourself to “think positive.”It’s about moving from reaction to reflection.

An Example in Real Life

Imagine this: You value hard work (if you need to look into your values, I wrote a post on them here). It’s one of the things you pride yourself on. But with a fixed mindset you can find yourself slipping into the thought: “If I’m not productive every minute, I’m failing.”

That thought feels heavy. It makes you anxious, maybe even guilty when you take a break.

Now let’s use Socratic questioning:

• What’s the evidence? Well, plenty of people work hard and still take breaks. Research (From Harvard Business Review) even shows breaks improve performance.

• Am I making assumptions? Yes, assuming that rest = laziness.

• Is this black and white? Absolutely. It ignores all the middle ground.

• Other ways to see it? Taking breaks is part of working hard well.

With just a few questions, the thought shifts. Instead of “I’m failing,” it becomes: “Rest helps me engage in work that is productive, effective, and grounded.”

That shift doesn’t just change your mood, it changes your actions. You allow yourself to pause, recharge, and keep showing up the way you want.

Why This Matters for Men’s Mental Health

Many men are taught to push through. To tough it out. To silence emotions and just keep going.

But when your mind keeps running with untested, unhelpful thoughts, it’s easy to get stuck in cycles of stress, burnout, or self-doubt.

Socratic questioning offers a different path. It’s structured. It’s logical. It fits with how a lot of men naturally approach problems, with reason and analysis.

Instead of ignoring your thoughts or being ruled by them, you learn to engage with them in a way that’s steady and practical.

The Questions Themselves

On your own or with a counsellor, you can use the worksheet I’ve created to walk through the process:

Each question is like a speed bump for your brain. It slows the thought down long enough for you to see it clearly.

Using the Worksheet

Here’s how I often suggest my clients start:

1. Write down one stressful thought. Don’t try to filter it. Just write it as it comes.

2. Work through the questions, one at a time. Short answers or bullet points are fine, the point is reflection not an essays.

3. Notice the shift. After 5–10 minutes, most men see their thought soften, expand, or lose some of its power.

4. Repeat when needed. Like any skill, it gets easier with practice.

You can use this tool at work, at home, or in any situation where your mind starts racing.

Counselling and Socratic Questioning

While you can do this exercise on your own, counselling makes the process stronger. A counsellor can:

• Guide you through the questions in real time.

• Notice blind spots you might miss.

• Help you connect your answers back to your bigger values and goals.

Over time, many men find that Socratic questioning becomes second nature. They don’t always need the worksheet, the questions start running quietly in the background, helping them check their thoughts before those thoughts run them.

Final Thoughts

Thoughts move fast. They shape how you feel and what you do. But not every thought deserves to be in the driver’s seat.

Socratic questioning is a simple, powerful way to pause, reflect, and choose a response that lines up with who you want to be.

If you’d like to try it out, please feel free to download the worksheet I included earlier in this blog.

And if you’d like support in building a life that feels more grounded, connected, and intentional, I invite you to book a free consultation or session. Whether you’re in Abbotsford, the Fraser Valley, or anywhere online in BC, counselling can help you reconnect with yourself and what truly matters.