Progressive Muscle Relaxation: A Simple Way to Switch Off the Tension
- Evan Vukets
- 7 days ago
- 4 min read
Written by Evan Vukets, RCC, Registered Clinical Counsellor in Abbotsford, BC. I support men in Abbotsford, the Fraser Valley, and online across BC. Learn more about me.
If you’re like most men I work with, your body has probably been on high alert for a while.The shoulders stay tight, the jaw clenches, and the mind keeps scanning for the next thing to do.
Even when you finally sit down at night, your body doesn’t really relax, it just pauses. Sleep can feel light and restless, and by morning, it’s like you’ve run a marathon in your head.
That’s where Progressive Muscle Relaxation, or PMR, can help.
What Is Progressive Muscle Relaxation?
Progressive Muscle Relaxation is a simple, guided exercise that helps you reconnect with your body. It’s not about “meditation” or forcing your mind to go quiet, it’s about retraining your body to recognize tension and let go of it.
Developed in the 1930s by Dr. Edmund Jacobson, PMR is built around one key idea:
You can’t feel anxious and relaxed at the same time.
By slowly tightening and then releasing different muscle groups, you teach your body what calm actually feels like something many of us have forgotten.
Why It Works
When your muscles relax, your body sends a signal to your brain that you’re safe.Your heart rate slows. Breathing deepens.Cortisol (your stress hormone) drops.
That’s not just a nice idea, it’s been proven.
Research has shown that PMR helps reduce stress, anxiety, and fatigue, while improving overall mood and sleep quality (PubMed, 2024).Another study found that people who practiced PMR regularly spent about 10 more minutes in deep sleep per night than those who didn’t (PMC, 2022).
It’s also been widely used in veteran and military programs, helping soldiers calm their bodies after years of operating in high-stress environments (VA Whole Health Library).
The Triangle of Change: Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions
In counselling, I often talk about the CBT triangle (also found in the image below). the connection between our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.When one of these gets stuck, the others follow.
For example:
A thought like “I can’t screw this up again” creates pressure.
That pressure turns into tension in your shoulders and chest.
The tension leads to irritability or snapping at someone you care about.
Sound familiar?
PMR helps break that cycle. It gives you a physical “off switch” for the stress response, even when your thoughts won’t stop racing.
How to Practice Progressive Muscle Relaxation
You don’t need anything fancy, just a quiet space and a few minutes.
Here’s a simple way to try it:
Find a comfortable spot. Sit or lie down where you won’t be interrupted.
Start at your feet. Tense your toes for about 5 seconds, then release completely. Notice the difference between tight and relaxed.
Move upward. Work your way through your calves, thighs, stomach, hands, arms, shoulders, and face.Tense each area for 5 seconds, then slowly let it go.
Breathe as you release. Exhale when you relax the muscles. Imagine stress leaving your body with each breath out.
Finish with a scan. Notice if any areas still feel tight. Gently repeat those spots if needed.
You can do this before bed to help with sleep, or during the day when you notice your body starting to tense up.
A Real-World Example
One of my clients, a dad in his 30s balancing a demanding job and family life told me he was waking up with inexplicable headaches that his doctor told him were 'just anxiety.' When we went through progressive muscle relaxation in session, he was shocked at how much tension he was holding in his shoulders and jaw without even knowing. After a few weeks of practice, he said something that stuck with me:
“I didn’t know I’d been carrying stress in my body.”
That’s the power of this exercise, it’s not just about “relaxing.”It’s about learning to notice your body’s early warning signs before stress becomes burnout.
If Relaxing Feels Hard, You’re Not Alone
For many men, the hardest part isn’t the exercise, it’s slowing down long enough to do it. We’re taught to push through tension, not release it.
But ignoring stress doesn’t make it go away. It just shifts into irritability, sleeplessness, or disconnection.
If you try PMR and find your mind still spinning, that’s okay, it takes practice to get unstuck. Grounding tools are not always enough to accept or process stress on their own. When we are feeling more regulated with them, we can then more effectively use cognitive tools like Socratic Questioning and Thought Records (two cognitive tools I have written about here and here).
Bringing It All Together
Progressive Muscle Relaxation is one of those simple tools that can create real change, not overnight, but over time. It helps you recognize when your body is in “fight or flight,” and gives you a way to step out of it.
Taking five minutes to reset your body can save you from carrying stress for days. If your mind resists slowing down, that’s usually a sign you need it most.
If you would like to explore how counselling can help you manage stress and tension, I invite you to book a free consultation.Whether you’re in Abbotsford, the Fraser Valley, or online anywhere in BC, we’ll work together to help you reconnect with your body and find your calm again.
