The Cycle of Anxiety (And Why It Gets Stronger Over Time)
- Mar 26, 2021
- 5 min read
Updated: Apr 23
Written by Evan Vukets, RCC, Registered Clinical Counsellor in Abbotsford, BC. I support men in Abbotsford, the Fraser Valley, and online across BC. Learn more about me
First published March 26th, 2021. Last updated September 19th, 2025.
Anxiety can feel overwhelming. Your chest tightens, your thoughts race, and you just want it to stop.
At first, you might avoid the situation to get some relief. And for a moment, that works. But then, somehow, the anxiety comes back even stronger.
That happens because anxiety often follows a cycle. Understanding that cycle is one of the first steps to breaking free.
Step 1: The Trigger
Anxiety usually begins with a trigger, something that makes your body and mind feel unsafe, even if there is no real danger.
Triggers can be things like:
A big life transition.
Guilt or self-criticism.
Negative self-talk.
Worry about looking foolish in front of others.
When a trigger hits, your body reacts. You might notice:
Racing thoughts.
Difficulty concentrating.
Feeling tense.
A pounding heart or pressure in your chest.
Your brain is sounding the alarm.
Step 2: Avoidance
Because anxiety feels so uncomfortable, most people try to avoid it. That might look like:
Procrastinating on a project that feels overwhelming.
Staying silent instead of voicing your needs.
Distracting yourself with endless scrolling or TV.
Using alcohol or substances to numb the feelings.
Avoidance feels like relief in the moment. But it also keeps the cycle going.
Step 3: Short Term Reward
Here is the trick. Avoidance actually works, at least for a little while.
When you avoid the situation, the bad thing you were imagining does not happen. No embarrassment. No rejection. No stress of conflict.
The relief feels like a reward.
But that reward comes with a hidden cost.
Step 4: Long Term Anxiety Growth
The more you avoid, the more your brain learns, “If I skip this, the bad feelings go away.”
Next time the trigger shows up, the anxiety feels stronger. The situation feels bigger. Avoidance feels even more tempting.
This is how anxiety grows over time.
Not because the situation changes, but because our experience of it does.
It is why small challenges can start to feel huge. Things that once felt easy, like speaking up, going to work, or making a call, can begin to feel impossible.
Left unchecked, this cycle can even grow into phobias or long term patterns of avoidance.
When we avoid something, we often only see the “shadow” of the situation, not what it actually is.
Why This Cycle Feels So Trapping
Anxiety is tricky because it creates its own evidence.
“I avoided it, so that must have been the right call.”
“I didn’t go, and nothing bad happened, so going must be dangerous.”
But the truth is, avoidance did not prevent the danger. It just stopped you from learning that you could have handled it.
Avoidance gives short term comfort but long term stress.
Breaking the Cycle of Anxiety
The good news is that anxiety cycles can be interrupted.
The first step is awareness, noticing your triggers and patterns of avoidance.
Then comes practice, finding ways to face situations differently with tools that help you stay grounded.
Some strategies include:
Breathing exercises to calm your nervous system (check out the blog on Square Breathing as an example).
Gradual exposure by taking small, safe steps toward what you have been avoiding.
Challenging unhelpful thoughts with Socratic Questions such as:
Am I assuming the worst?
What is the evidence this fear is true?
What would I say to a friend in this situation?
The goal is not to avoid stress but to face it with clarity and choice.
Anxiety in Daily Life
Anxiety does not only show up in big, dramatic ways. It often hides in everyday patterns.
At work: putting off projects, second guessing yourself, or avoiding tough conversations with a boss
In relationships: staying quiet to keep the peace, snapping in frustration, or feeling on edge with loved ones
In personal goals: delaying changes you care about because fear gets in the way
Anxiety does not just affect how you feel, it affects how you live.
What this looks like in real life
Let's imagine you have been thinking about asking your boss for a raise.
It’s not always front of mind. It comes up in small moments, when a bill comes in, when a long day ends, or when you notice how much you’ve been carrying at work without anything really changing. Eventually, the thought starts to stick a bit more.
“I should probably bring this up.”
From there, your mind starts to fill in the blanks. You imagine how the conversation might go, sitting across from your boss, trying to explain your reasoning, wondering if it will come out the way you intend. Then the questions start to layer in.
“What if this comes across wrong?”
“What if they take it badly?”
“What if this turns into a conversation about everything I haven’t been doing well?”
As those thoughts build, your body starts to respond as well. There’s a bit more tension in your chest, your focus drifts, and it becomes harder to stay with whatever you were doing before. The conversation hasn’t happened, but it already feels like something you’d rather avoid.
So you decide to wait.
Not avoid it entirely, just not right now. Maybe next week, when things feel calmer. Maybe when you’ve had more time to think it through. Maybe when you feel more prepared.
And almost immediately, there’s some relief. The pressure eases, your body settles, and you don’t have to deal with it in this moment. It feels like the right call.
But it doesn’t really go away.
A few days later, something brings it back. Another bill, another long day, that same sense of being stretched and undervalued. The thought returns, but this time it feels heavier. The anxiety shows up more quickly, the conversation feels bigger, and avoiding it feels even more necessary than it did before.
Nothing about the situation has actually changed.
But your experience of it has.
Over time, this is how the cycle builds.
FAQ
Why does anxiety keep coming back?
Because the relief from avoiding something teaches your brain that the situation is dangerous. Each time you avoid, the cycle strengthens and the anxiety shows up more quickly the next time.
Is avoidance always a bad thing?
Not always. Avoidance can help in the short term, especially when things feel overwhelming. The problem is when it becomes your main way of coping, because it keeps the cycle going
over time.
Can the cycle of anxiety be broken?
Yes. It starts with recognizing the pattern, then practicing new ways of responding, even in small steps. The goal is not to eliminate anxiety, but to relate to it differently.
What helps in the moment when anxiety shows up?
Tools that slow things down can help create space to respond. Things like grounding exercises, breathing techniques, or the STOPP skill can help you step out of the cycle in the moment.
How Counselling Helps
Counselling offers a safe space to slow down, explore your cycle, and build tools to face it differently.
Together, we can:
Identify your unique triggers.
Understand how avoidance shows up in your life.
Learn grounding skills to calm your body in the moment.
Practice new ways of thinking and responding.
Build confidence that you can handle the situations you have been avoiding.
For many men I work with in Abbotsford and across BC, counselling is the first time they have been able to share openly about their anxiety without judgment.
Final Thoughts
Anxiety does not make you weak. It is a learned response, and like anything learned, it can be unlearned with practice and support. If you would like to learn more about the diagnosis and types of anxiety, let's jump over to 'Understanding Anxiety: Signs, Symptoms, and Ways to Find Support.'
The cycle of anxiety does not have to keep you stuck.
If you are ready to start breaking free, I invite you to book a session or schedule a free consultation. Whether in Abbotsford, Chilliwack, Langley, the Fraser Valley, or online anywhere in BC, counselling can help you face anxiety with clarity and strength.
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