Why Men Avoid Counselling (and How to Reframe It)

Written by Evan Vukets, RCC, Registered Clinical Counsellor in Abbotsford, BC. I support men in Abbotsford, the Fraser Valley, and online across BC. Learn more about me

If you’ve ever thought about counselling and immediately pushed the idea away, you’re not alone.

For many men, the thought of sitting down and talking about feelings can feel uncomfortable, confusing, or unnecessary. It makes men avoid counselling.

It’s not that men don’t care about their mental health. It’s that somewhere along the way, we were taught that strength means self-reliance.

In my work with men here in Abbotsford and across the Fraser Valley, I hear versions of the same thing all the time:

“I don’t need counselling.”

“I should be able to handle this myself.”

“It’s not that bad.”

The truth is, those beliefs don’t come from nowhere. They come from the messages we’ve absorbed about what it means to be a man.

1. The Conditioning to Why Men Avoid Counselling: Fix It, Don’t Feel It

From a young age, many men learn that emotions are something to manage quietly.

We’re taught to be providers, to fix problems, to stay composed.

When challenges come up, we default to doing, not feeling.

But here’s the catch:

You can’t fix what you don’t understand.

And you can’t understand what you never give yourself permission to feel.

When we suppress emotion long enough, it doesn’t go away, it leaks out.

It shows up as anger, irritability, disconnection, or burnout.

For some, it looks like overworking. For others, it’s withdrawal or numbness.

Avoiding feelings doesn’t make them disappear. It just makes them harder to recognize when they finally surface.

2. The Stigma: “Counselling Means I’m Weak”

This belief is powerful, and false.

Many men grow up with the idea that counselling is something you turn to only when you’ve failed to cope on your own.

But counselling isn’t a last resort. It’s a way to become more effective at handling life.

If you think about it, strength in every other area of life comes from learning and training.

We go to the gym to build our bodies.

We study to advance our careers.

Why would our emotional and relational health be any different?

Counselling isn’t weakness. It’s maintenance.

It’s the space to unpack what’s been weighing you down and learn new ways to move forward.

3. The Misunderstanding: “Talking About It Won’t Change Anything”

A lot of men tell me they don’t see the point in “just talking.”

They imagine counselling as sitting in a room and revisiting pain without solutions.

But effective counselling isn’t about staying stuck in problems, it’s about understanding patterns and creating tools that actually work.

You don’t have to relive every painful memory to benefit.

You just have to be curious enough to look at what’s happening now.

Counselling gives you awareness first. Awareness leads to choice. And choice creates change.

4. The Avoidance: “It’s Easier Not to Feel”

When life feels overwhelming, it’s tempting to push emotions aside and focus on what’s in front of us.

Work. Family. Tasks. Anything that keeps us moving.

But avoidance doesn’t bring peace. It brings distance, from yourself and from the people who care about you.

You might feel “fine,” but fine often means numb.

Numbness protects us from pain, but it also blocks joy, connection, and presence.

The longer we stay disconnected, the harder it becomes to find our way back.

5. The Reframe: Counselling as Strength

So how do we shift the story?

It starts with seeing counselling for what it really is, a proactive investment in yourself.

Counselling is not about fixing what’s broken. It’s about understanding what’s human.

It’s the process of slowing down, naming what’s been unspoken, and learning how to move forward with more clarity and less chaos.

Men who come to counselling often notice they become calmer, more patient, and more present at home.They communicate better, sleep better, and reconnect with what matters most.

That’s not weakness. That’s maturity.

It’s emotional discipline, the same kind of discipline we value everywhere else in life.

6. A Practical First Step

If you’re on the fence, try this:

Instead of asking, “Do I need counselling?” ask, “Would I benefit from slowing down and understanding myself better?”

You don’t need to be in crisis to start therapy.

In fact, the best time to begin is often when things are “mostly fine,” but something feels off.

That’s when change is easiest to build.

You don’t have to carry everything alone. You just have to take the first step toward being known.

7. If You’ve Been Avoiding Counselling

If you’ve been feeling stuck, disconnected, or unsure where to start, counselling can be that first step back toward clarity and connection.

Whether you meet me in person in Abbotsford or online anywhere in BC, it’s a space to talk, reflect, and recalibrate. I encourage you to book a free consultation.

Strength isn’t silence. Strength is self-understanding.

And sometimes, that starts with a single conversation.