International Men’s Day: A Time To Pause, Reflect, and Support the Men in Our Lives

Written by Evan Vukets, RCC, Registered Clinical Counsellor in Abbotsford, BC. I support men in Abbotsford, the Fraser Valley, and online across BC. Learn more about me

There is a day each year that many people do not know about. On November 19th, International Men’s Day is celebrated, and you can learn more about it at internationalmensday.com.

This day is not about showing off or proving anything. It is a simple pause. A moment to look at the real stories men carry and the quiet struggles that often go unseen. It is also a day to celebrate the strength and care men bring to their families, workplaces, and communities here in Abbotsford and across the Fraser Valley.

I want to start with a story I hear often in my counselling office.

It is a story about a man who looked like he had everything together. He worked hard, supported the people around him, and kept going even when he was exhausted. But on the inside, he felt empty. He felt far from himself, almost like he was watching his own life from a distance. He told me he felt he had to stay strong all the time and did not want to let anyone down. But colour from life was draining, things that used to bring joy now felt "meh" and it was hard to be present around his kids and wife. He had started to have suicidal thoughts, which spurred him to book the appointment.

His story is one many men share, especially in places like Abbotsford, Chilliwack, Langley, and other parts of the Fraser Valley, where long work hours, unaffordability, and family responsibilities can make life feel heavy.

Why International Men’s Day Matters

International Men’s Day invites us to look more closely at how boys grow into men and the quiet pressures they face. Many boys are taught to be tough, calm, and steady at all times. They learn to hide fear, hide tears, and hide any sign of struggle. These lessons do not come from one place. They come from sports, school, movies, family, and friends. By adulthood, many men believe that showing emotion is risky and that asking for help means they are failing.

This day is a chance to challenge that message. It is a hopeful reminder that every man deserves support and that emotional strength is not the same as silence. It is also a moment to look at how these old lessons shape men’s health. When feelings stay buried for too long, the body notices. Stress rises. Sleep changes. Motivation fades. Numbness grows.

Relationships start to feel distant. Men often begin to ask questions like, “Why do I feel so flat?” or “Why am I always tired even when I rest?” These questions do not mean something is wrong with them. They mean something inside needs attention.

How Counselling Helps Men Reconnect

Counselling gives men a place to slow down and understand what is happening beneath the surface. It is not about fixing someone. It is not about judgment. It is a space where men can breathe, talk openly, and learn what their body and mind are trying to communicate. In my office here in Abbotsford, I meet many men who feel stuck on autopilot. They often describe feeling numb or lost, even when their life looks fine on paper. We talk through what they have been carrying. We explore the early messages they learned about strength and emotion. We use simple tools to reconnect them to their values and sense of purpose.

Counselling is not about turning men into someone new. It is about helping them return to themselves.

When men begin to understand their inner world, they are more grounded and more connected to the people they care about. This is not weakness. This is courage. And this is one of the reasons International Men’s Day is so important. It creates space for men to see that reaching out is a sign of strength, not failure.

A Hopeful Message for Men

International Men’s Day is not only a day of awareness. It is also a day of hope. It reminds us that men deserve care, connection, and understanding. They deserve to feel alive and present in their own lives. They deserve relationships where they can be honest about what they feel. They deserve communities where they are seen and supported.

You do not need to have everything figured out to begin this work. You do not need to wait until things fall apart. You do not need to carry everything on your own. Hope grows quietly when men take one small step toward their own wellbeing.

A Message for Families, Partners, and Friends

Many men will not say out loud that they are struggling. So if you notice a man in your life who seems tired or distant, reach out with kindness. Ask how he is doing in a gentle way. Sometimes one caring question opens a door that has been closed for years. This kind of support strengthens families and helps build healthier relationships across the Fraser Valley.

Why This Day Matters in Our Community

Here in Abbotsford and the surrounding areas, many men are balancing work, family, and the pressure to be steady at all times. But it is important to remember:

Steadiness does not mean silence.

Courage does not mean carrying everything alone.

Strength does not mean pushing past exhaustion.

When we support men’s mental health, our whole community benefits. Families feel safer. Workplaces become healthier. Relationships become stronger. International Men’s Day is a reminder that caring for men is good for everyone.

If You Are Ready to Talk

If any part of this story feels close to your own experience, I want you to know this: you are not alone. You are not failing. You are not broken.

Support is available right here in Abbotsford and across the Fraser Valley. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness. It is a step toward a life that feels more grounded, honest, and alive. When you share your story, even a small part of it, something begins to shift.

International Men’s Day reminds us that men deserve this kind of care. If you are ready to talk, I am here, and your story matters. If you are interested in a free consolation to talk a bit about your story and if counselling could help, please click this booking link.